why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
