listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
