New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
