My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
