My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
