oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
