It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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