Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
