would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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