if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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