yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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