You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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