Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
