Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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