I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
