I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
