why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
