What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
