Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
