time to smoke my breakfast
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
