it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
