apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
