Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
