I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
