i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
