College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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