Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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