Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
