You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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