I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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