You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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