Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
