you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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