Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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