I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
