He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
