he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
