Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Houston, we have a blender
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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