After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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