So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
