Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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