meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
