I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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