I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
a search helicopter?!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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