You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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