His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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