Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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