I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
