Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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