thus making me awesome and them whores
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
