'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
